We Fall and Start Again
by perpetually-prototyping
Summary: There are no regrets. Only lessons to learn from, memories to cherish, and the occasional reminder that the most important things never really change. Terra Ven Aqua, based post-KH3.
It just wasn't the same.

A visitor would never have been able to tell: the land was thriving, the grounds were well-kempt, and the castle stretched tall and proud and pristine over all of it. Everything was ordered, whole, and majestic, as such neutral ground should have been. The Land of Departure was both a grand sight and welcoming sanctuary, giving no hint of its dark past.

And yet every time Terra stood before the gates and gazed up at his restored home, some subtle reminders managed to grab his attention. He knew the stairs leading up to the castle doors were new, different, not worn down on the edges like the ones he had grown up with. The stones paving the plaza were bright, untouched by weather and bearing none of the familiar scrapes and dents of some rough training days gone by. Inside the castle, the banisters gave off the smell of freshly cut oak. The glass windows were stainless and shone as clear as crystal. None of the floorboards in the bedrooms squeaked.

For most, it was an ideal vision. For Terra, everything was a statement of how far he had come, a testament to his successes and mistakes alike. This was his home, even if it wasn't the exact one he had hailed from; the restoration had been a trying effort even with the help of both friends and magic, taking the better part of a year, and in the end he counted himself fortunate that the world's previous balance and brilliance had been attainable. There were memories everywhere here, good and bad ones, happy and sad ones, but Terra had seen and done and been through enough that one kind never overshadowed the other. Like life, the land bore scars as well as blessings - and like Terra, it pushed on regardless, stubborn and steady.

The outer areas among the hills, in contrast, had remained untouched by the past damage. Up on the summit, where mountains and open sky were the only view, everything was preserved and familiar. The air even felt clearer, and a number of idle evenings were spent out there in quiet meditation.

That was where the late night found Terra now, perched on the cliff edge and staring out at the star-filled expanse of sky. Alone, but the silence suited him well enough, even if being in the usual spot without the others left the atmosphere feeling somewhat lifeless. Likewise, his thoughts strayed nowhere in particular, and for an hour or so - two? three? - he took peace in the quiet, the summer breeze, and the comfort of a million worlds above his head.

"Terra!"

He stiffened slightly in surprise, his absent wonderings broken, and looked over his shoulder with an easy smile. "Ven? What're you doing here?"

The other boy grinned as he approached the ledge. He'd gone through a sudden growth spurt in the last few months, bringing him nearly up to Terra's chin, but he otherwise looked the same as the day he had first come to the Land of Departure. Or almost the same, since there was now much more life and expression in him than back then, even a touch of maturity in his bright eyes that his younger self had lacked. Like both Terra and Aqua, however, time seemed to have left Ven behind for the last thirteen years. "I just had a feeling you were out here," he replied, taking his usual seat on Terra's right.

"You came all this way on a feeling?" Terra asked, cocking an eyebrow. Ven shrugged.

"Yeah, well... you weren't in your room or the kitchen. That just left one place."

Laughing softly, Terra leaned back on one hand to stare skyward. Ven's presence was comforting, not intrusive, and he was glad for it like always. "Couldn't sleep, huh?"

"I've done enough sleeping." The way Ven said it was casually dismissive, but Terra knew what he really meant. "Is that why you're here?"

Terra returned the one-armed shrug. "Maybe," he said elusively, his smile turning a shade teasing.

"Heh, what's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Just what it sounds like. Maybe that's the case, maybe it isn't."

"Hey! Since when are you so secretive?"

"Since I figured out it drives you nuts."

Ven made a noise that was half-scoff, half-growl, and then fell back to flop onto the grass with his hands beneath his head. "Real nice, Terra."

Swiveling in place, Terra looked down at him and shook his head. "Pouting gets you nowhere, you know."

"I'm not pouting!" He kicked half-heartedly at Terra's hip, but the attempt was batted lightly aside. Sighing, Ven gazed up at the stars, and his annoyed expression quickly turned thoughtful. "Hey," he said a moment later, switching moods on a dime, "speaking of secrets - you never did tell me what you meant."

"About what?"

Ven leaned up on his elbows. "The last night we were here - before everything happened. I asked what stars are, and you said..."

"-that each one is a different world, with their hearts shining down on us like a million lanterns," Terra recited. That was a long time ago, but he remembered it well; it was one of many crucial memories that he had held onto for hope and strength during the moments he needed them most. Ven nodded.

"Yeah. And you said they were just like me." He frowned slightly. "And you said I'd get it when I was older, but I still don't have any idea what it means."

"Hm. Then I guess you need to wait a few more years."

"Aw, come on!" Ven sat up and fixed his friend with a disbelieving stare. "It's been thirteen years already! If I don't get it now, I never will!"

Chuckling, Terra reached over and ruffled those blonde spikes affectionately. "Okay, think of it this way: what do you and each of those worlds have in common?"

The question was thought-provoking enough that Ven didn't object to the head-patting, but screwed up his face in contemplation. "I guess... our lights?" he asked doubtfully. "When you put it that way."

Terra nodded and let his hand fall away. "Keep going," he encouraged.

"But... they're shining down on us, like you said," Ven went on, puzzled. "I'm not 'shining' on anyone."

"You sure about that?" When Ven only blinked up at him, Terra slid from the rocky edge onto the grass, as well, and perched an arm on his knee. "If I said you _were_ shining on someone, who d'you think it would be?"

"Uh... you and Aqua, I guess."

"Why?" Terra pressed patiently. He was determined to have Ven figure out the answer himself, even if it took a few nudges along the way.

"Because... you two are my best friends. If I had a light to share, of course it'd be with you guys."

" _If?_ "

For a long moment Ven was silent, mulling over that insinuation. "So I do have a light," he said slowly, "and I am sharing it with you."

"That's right. You have a strong heart - you always have." And the unwavering light within it was a force to be both reckoned with and admired. Even now, just like back then, Terra could sense it. "When you became friends with us, you let us into your heart, right?"

"...And I started sharing my light with you," Ven deduced. He quickly looked up, seeking approval, and grinned when Terra nodded. "Hah! You couldn't have just said so?"

"Hey, it made you think, didn't it?"

"That's more like homework than a compliment!" They both laughed, and then Ven leaned forward eagerly. "So that's true for all of us, huh? You and Aqua are my guiding lights, after all."

Terra's expression became more subdued, but his smile didn't fade completely. It wasn't a sad look as much as it was a serious, reflective one.

 _That's right... Even when I was fighting my darkness, I was still needed. At the end of everything, the very bottom... I still had a light inside me. And I couldn't afford to let it go out._ After all, it was only through his and Aqua's presence that Ven's heart been able to find its way back in the end. For years Terra had fought - against the darkness, against the odds, against himself - for the sake of his friends, but he never imagined that Ven's survival literally hinged on his own. While the weight of that revelation might have crippled others with guilt or responsibility, Terra had accepted it, gladly and gratefully, and used it to keep going.

Regardless, not all of those memories were good. They'd gone through a lot to get Ven back; against Xehanort's cunning foresight, there had been moments where it almost seemed hopeless. More than once, Terra had almost let his anger get the best of him.

Even now, when everything was said and done and well again, it hurt a little to think of what Ven had gone through. Not that he ever let those scars show; much like this world, one had to know where to look to spot the differences. Looking at Ven now, with his open, honest, and unassuming expression, one would never have guessed at the darkness in his past, either.

"Terra?" Ven cocked a curious eyebrow at the silence, breaking Terra from his reverie.

"Hm? Oh-" Terra shook his head as if to clear it. "Yeah, you're right."

Ven looked skeptical. "What was that about?"

"What was what about?"

"Don't give me that! You totally spaced out there!"

"Hey, what did I say about pouting a minute ago?"

"Who's pouting?!"

With a grin, Terra turned and rolled up onto his knee to stand, but Ven interjected with "Oh, no, you don't!" and Terra instantly knew he shouldn't have turned his back for that half a second. He tried to brace himself, but too late: Ven barreled into him while most of his weight was still on one knee, stealing his balance and effectively tackling him to the ground. Had Terra been prepared, he could have caught Ven's negligible weight without hardly budging, but with the good timing and successful element of surprise, Ven managed to knock him down flat.

"Hey-!" Terra started, but a skinny arm was already around his neck in an attempted headlock. He caught Ven's wrist to keep it from tightening, and then gave a warning scoff. Challenge accepted. "Okay, fine-"

He rolled over and sat up, dragging Ven with him, and reached back to seize two fistfuls of the boy's shirt and pull. Ven tumbled forward over his shoulder, hit the grass, and instantly twisted onto his knees to move, but Terra slung an arm over his shoulders and pulled him against his side in a firm headlock to show him how it was done. Adding insult to injury, he ruffled his hair again, but messily. "C'mon, you haven't changed at all," he teased with a grin. "What makes you think you can actually beat me now?"

Growling (rather pathetically), Ven struggled and tugged against his captor until Terra finally let him go - but then only flashed a challenging grin of his own and jumped at Terra again. A second later Ven was flat on his stomach, the hand on the back of his head casually pinning him down.

"Give it up, Ven. You know you can't take me on without-"

"Aqua!" Ven exclaimed.

Expecting a trick, Terra only glanced up furtively, but sure enough they were no longer alone. Aqua stood at the head of the mountain path, watching them with an amused smile.

"Hey!" Terra called, ignoring Ven's resistance and holding him in place. "How long have you been there?"

Busted, Aqua made her way over, but stopped well outside any imaginary lines marking the boys' wrestling stage. "Long enough to see you picking on someone half your size," she remarked lightly.

"More than half!" Ven quipped from the ground.

Terra ignored him again. "Hey, don't make me sound like a bully - the squirt started it. Didn't you?" he asked, removing his hand, and Ven bolted upright to roughly bump shoulders with him.

"Only because you were moping! Aqua!" he implored. "Terra's moping again!"

"I am not-"

Ven dodged his playful shove, moved behind him, and set his chin atop Terra's head as he looked up at Aqua. She chuckled. "I see you two still settle things the same as always. Should I be glad Keyblades aren't involved yet?"

 _"Yet,"_ Ven emphasized. With a low _hah,_ Terra pulled Ven forward and stood, carting the younger boy on his shoulder like a duffel bag. Ven tried to roll off to the side, but one arm was enough for Terra to keep hold of him.

Casually, he regarded Aqua as if nothing were out of the ordinary. "Couldn't sleep, either?"

"Terra! Hey, c'mon, this isn't fair!"

Aqua shook her head. "You two weren't in your rooms - or the kitchen - so..."

"...this was your next guess," he finished.

"Mm." She looked at Ven, her expression sympathetic even as that smile remained on her face. "Terra, how long are you going to tease him?"

He shrugged with his free shoulder, feigning helplessness. "That's up to him."

"Yeah, right!" Ven held his hands out towards Aqua and beckoned. "C'mon, we can take him together!"

"Oh, no. You got yourself into this, Ven. I'm sure you can get yourself out."

"Hey! That's no attitude for a Master!"

"Heh, he's got you there," Terra agreed. Aqua arched an eyebrow.

"Look who's talking, _Master_ Terra," she reminded him. "Or do you want to be tag-teamed that badly?"

His smile crossing over into a grin, he gave the last push he needed. "Why not? It shouldn't make much of a difference."

Aqua stiffened; he knew he had her. "All right, put him down," she ordered. "We'll do this right." She held a hand out to the side, prepared to summon her Keyblade, but Terra had other plans. Keeping his hold on Ven, he lunged forward and planted his other shoulder against Aqua's stomach, slipped his arm behind her knees, and lifted. She gave a startled yelp as her feet left the ground, and then he felt her fingernails scrape frantically over his back as she scrabbled for a hold. _"Terra!"_

Even for him, the load was getting heavy, but Terra kept his voice confident and even. "Sorry, what was that? 'We forfeit?'"

"No way!" Ven twisted in place, trying to pry at the arm holding him, and the shift in weight was enough to make Terra take a step back to compensate. Because of that, he was too distracted to think much of Aqua's hand touching his neck - until something freezing cold slid down the back of his shirt.

Terra was the one to yelp this time. He dropped Aqua and jumped aside, but she caught herself neatly on one hand, pivoted, and righted herself without once losing her balance - not that Terra noticed her display of grace, since he was busy trying to untuck his shirt from his pants. Ven also took advantage of the distraction and managed to wiggle free, dropping to the ground and bounding out of reach a half-second later.

 _Finally,_ Terra succeeded and a fist-sized lump of ice tumbled from his shirt, the product of some subtle ice magic, no doubt. He opened his mouth as he looked up, about to commend that underhanded strategy - but all he managed was a surprised cry as both of his friends tackled him head-on. All three hit the ground in a tangle, winding Terra as he took the brunt of the impact beneath the other two.

"Get 'im!"

"Hold his arm, Ven!"

"Hey - ow - don't sit on me!"

"Give it up, Terra! No one can save you now!"

"You haven't won yet-"

"Say it!"

"Never!"

"You asked for it!"

* * *

Ten minutes later, silence and stillness had managed to fall again on the summit. The three friends still lay in a heap, but a peaceful one now: Ven was stretched out on his back with his head propped on Aqua's stomach, hers likewise on Terra's, and his on Ven's. It was a tight little triangle they formed, but it was comfortable, and they'd had no need for words for several minutes.

In the quiet pause, Terra found his mind wandering again, back to the idle thoughts of before. The sky was the same as he remembered it, too. The only difference was that he had seen more of those worlds now, even if it was still only a tiny fraction, and this mountaintop didn't seem quite so isolated anymore now that he knew what was beyond it. In a way, his travels made him appreciate his homeworld even more.

"Terra... does it bother you?"

Aqua's question caught him by surprise and he shifted slightly, involuntarily. To be fair, Terra considered it for a short pause rather than answering immediately, searching his thoughts and feelings for a hint of hidden emotion. He knew what she was asking. "No," he said finally, coolly. "Not anymore. Why do you ask?"

Aqua gave a thoughtful hum. "...No reason. Never mind."

"Still worried about me?" Terra smiled a little wryly, sending her a glance.

"I'm _always_ going to worry about you. Both of you. And you know you're the same way with us," she pointed out, returning the look warmly. "It's... I think that's what family does."

Family.

Terra let that word sink in. It wasn't a new concept, not really; he'd thought of them both, and Eraqus, as his family long before he ever said it out loud. It had always been a given.

He was quiet for several slow heartbeats. "What about you guys? Does it bother you?" he asked at length. "Looking around... knowing things aren't what they used to be?"

"Sometimes," Ven admitted, breaking his silence. "I mean, I think about how we used to be, but... I like the way we are now, too. We're even better friends than we were back then. And besides, staring at the past won't change it."

"Mm," Aqua agreed. "I think everyone has some painful memories. But the three of us are lucky. We share most of those memories... so we share the joy. We also share the pain, but that just means we split up the weight of it between us. I think... it's helped us heal more quickly."

That, Terra could agree with. Alone, he would have drowned under the agony of his mistakes long ago.

He broke the chain and slowly sat up, prompting the other two to do the same. "Yeah. You're right." He looked between them, his content expression easy and relaxed. Nothing about it was forced like it might once have been, just to put them at ease. There were no more secrets now. "There's nothing to regret."

If there was a part of him that had still needed some convincing after all, that did it. Time, in their case, could be made up. They had the rest of their lives to do it.

Glancing up at the moon, Terra stood and gave them each a hand up. "It's getting pretty late. Ready to head back?"

"I guess." Ven sighed as he was tugged to his feet, the last one to want to turn in, as always. Suddenly he perked up with a grin. "Hey - you know what we haven't done in a long time?"

* * *

They took their time in heading back, so it was nearly half an hour later that the three of them arrived at the castle. They passed through the entrance hall, took the main staircase leading up to the residential wing, but then turned down the corridor before the one that contained their bedrooms. Instead, their destination was one of the guest quarters.

"I haven't even been down this way since it was finished," Ven admitted. He had hitched a ride on Terra's back during the return trek and now peered over his shoulder to admire the room. It was roughly the same size as any of theirs, but considerably less cluttered. More importantly, it boasted a king-sized bed.

Walking up to the mattress edge, Terra turned and released his hold on Ven's legs to dump him onto it. Ven laughed, bounced upright, and set to work drawing the comforter and sheets back. As he had pointed out, they hadn't done the sleepover thing in quite a while - not since the start of their journey years ago - but none of them needed reminding of their tasks.

Aqua fetched some extra pillows from the closet. "It looks just like it used to, doesn't it? Not that the guest rooms were ever used much."

"That'll change," said Terra confidently. "Or did you forget how everyone promised to visit when they get the chance?"

"Mm. It'll be nice to have this place busy and bustling again," she mused. "I already miss it."

Despite his soft chuckle, Terra agreed. He had grown up in this mostly empty castle, but it somehow seemed more lonely without Sora and the others around. It was a temporary problem, at least.

For now, however, having things as they used to be was more than enough.

With spare pillows and blankets prepped and piled on the bed, the three went on chatting as they slipped out of their shoes and outerwear. It left them in their base clothes - their thin black shirts and shorts, or pants in Terra's case - but body heat would make up the difference. Ven had always been the one to take up the middle in the past, but this time he caught Terra's arm as he scooted to the far side of the bed, pointedly tugging him into the middle space.

Curious, Terra laughed as he caved and slid in after him. "What's up?"

Ven shrugged, already horizontal and pulling the blankets up to his shoulders. "Having you guys beside me... it always made me feel safe, y'know? Like nothing could get to me. So, just this once-" He grinned up at Terra, as innocent and considerate as they came. "-we can be the ones keeping you safe."

Terra's mouth opened, closed again, and then he only blinked at Aqua as she slipped in on his left. "I think that's a good idea, Ven." She sent Terra a sidelong smile, and for once he wasn't sure how to read it. Teasing, warm, challenging, reassuring... Any of those, or maybe all. She didn't wait for his approval before also lying down, and after a moment Terra just smiled wearily down at them both.

"Guess I don't have much of a choice."

"Nope," Ven agreed brightly. Terra ruffled his hair again, and then leaned back to settle down between them. It was snug, but it was comfortable - and there was admittedly a sense of security, he quickly noticed. When he was a kid, maybe half Ven's age, he had stubbornly conquered his fear of the dark - but it was a different darkness that had plagued his nights in more recent years. He no longer feared it, either, but fear was only one of many things that could stave off sleep. Tucked between his two best friends like this, however... it pushed all those thoughts far away and made them seem trivial, even when total silence fell in the room.

Time hadn't done much to old habits, as it turned out that Ven was still a little clingy in his sleep: only minutes after drifting off, he edged closer until he was pressed against Terra's side. As amusing as it was, Terra was surprised when Aqua did the same a moment later - except that she was still awake, and set her head comfortably on his shoulder. When he looked at her, she only closed her eyes, still smiling.

With a silent, defeated laugh, he carefully shifted to link his arms around both their shoulders, holding them close. No one ever said he couldn't be both the protected _and_ protector tonight.


End file.
